12 Non-gendered Wedding Gifts to Subtly Imply you Don’t Support the Wedding-Industrial Complex

1.     Scented Candles
2.     Framed Portrait of Andy Garcia
3.     First Edition copy of The Bell Jar
4.     Bread box filled with bees
5.     One year subscription to ‘The Nation’
6.     A variety of disparate Trucker Hats
7.     A case of Four Loko
8.     Red Lobster Gift Certificate
9.     Carton of Newports
10.  Needlepoint pillow with any Lil John lyric
11.  A handwritten note analyzing the role postmodernism in The Canterbury Tales