National Team Jen Closure Day - How Are You Celebrating?
Disclaimer - I realize that we shouldn’t be pitting two strong women against each other and neglecting to criticize the man that was unfaithful. But you know what, I’ve held onto this shit since I was 12 years old and I am not a gutter feminist in a lot of other ways. So just give me this, plz.
Also, this article isn’t going to be very good. It’s a holiday, I’m giving this thing ten minutes just to spread the word.
In 2016, Team Jens had been a minority discriminated against for over a decade. I remember the first time I expressed my adoration for Jennifer. Words like “basic” and “Friends isn’t funny” were thrust at me. I felt alone. I felt ashamed.
Angelina Jolie, a woman who had previously made out with her brother and wore a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck, had somehow incepted everyone into forgetting. She became a false idol. And don’t get me wrong, we all love Gia. But stay in your lane, bitch.
I stand here - unashamed. I think Friends is the best show ever created (although, in retrospect, problematic - I KNOW). I think Jennifer Aniston is one of the most likable people on earth. I won’t hide any more. As of September 20th, 2016, I will not hide.
Today marks the second anniversary of the news, a day I take off work as one of my most sacred holidays. I rally all Team Jens to come out of the shadows. Take off work today. Eat an ice cream cake in bed while you watch Picture Perfect. Use this time to contemplate the nature of ‘having it all’.
Watch The Object of my Affection, watch Office Space. Masturbate to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You can finally do so without feeling guilty. Enjoy it. Finish your day with “The One with the Cast of Night Court”. Have no shame.
We are not alone. We have value. In hoc unitatis vigemusque.